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Midlife Crisis –???

earlobe Okay, ignore the stupid thread from my tichel.  I am NOT going to make Ted take this picture over again because as it is it took about fifteen tries of him taking a lousy picture and me showing  him and explaining what I wanted to do.  There is just NO good way to get a picture of the side of your ear without the help of someone you love and trust very much.

The upshot of which is… am I  having a midlife crisis a month early, or what?

Elisheva’s been begging me for studs for a few weeks because her earrings all got lost.  So I stopped off at Ardene at Lawrence Square yesterday after my secret little educational-materials spree (shh) and noticed that (of course), the cheapo earrings were all 3 for $10.

(Elisheva’s been going on and on about how, for Naomi, I spent $30 on good-quality piercing studs… but that’s because I don’t intend to take them out for the next ten years or so, whereas when she actually has earrings Elisheva often changes hers on the hour)

Anyway, 3 for $10, hmm…  and some of them have more than one pair on a card, though I know to avoid the super-cheap earrings that have those lousy tiny rubber backs.  The kind that comes with ten pairs on a card – ugh.

So I chose a pair of decent-quality stud-looking earrings for her, and one other glittery pair for her… that’s TWO.  And for me, one with exactly three pairs:  diamond, stud and hoop.  Perfect for my wacky weirdo three-holed ears, the holes of which have not seen the light of day in maybe twenty years.  Yay, three! 

Handed over my $10 and snuck into the washroom of Fortino’s to poke the probably filthy things into my ears.  I couldn’t even wait ‘till I got home, I was so excited to have earrings again.  (I did wash my hands and made sure the earrings didn’t touch any actual bathroom surfaces; I’m not that into hepatitis)

I didn’t even try to do all three pairs right away.  So I came home to my family all weirded out (okay, maybe just Elisheva; YM doesn’t notice anything, Ted approves of everything, and the littles just roll with whatever) by two earrings.  Then, after they were in bed last night, I put in the third pair.  The hoops were very cheap and scratchy, but I did eventually get them to close.

The truth is… (shhh)… there aren’t just three holes.  There are, um, quick math break…twelve.  Five in the left, seven on the right.  But the upper ones, in the cartilage, were super-hard to keep from getting infected, so I didn’t use them that long.

Oh, forgot to count the nose ring (can’t bring myself to say “nose hole”).  I suspect it’s closed up, and I think – I really do think – I’m okay with that.  Although if Rivka Imeinu can get a nose ring as a wedding gift from Avraham’s servant Eliezer (in last week’s parsha), I don’t see anything particularly wrong with me having one, too.

I am feeling okay about this.  I am feeling strong and confident; I can be a religious woman with three earrings, and nobody had better mind because I have more than paid my dues over the last 20 years…thank you very much.  So there.


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