Tuesday, March 02, 2010

How I made the Internet Work

by Me!  Yes, the WHOLE internet.  It was me that did it!  It’s working, right?  That was me!

Yes, I know this is dull and technical and you don’t care.  Just scroll through old posts or hang in there and wait for a new post that is more fascinating.  This blog is also a diary – by me, FOR me.  And this is stuff I will need to remember.

Now yawn or keep scrolling through old posts:  the following is for my eyes only.

  1. Turn off the XP (Desktop) PC.  There’s no need to turn off the laptop.
  2. Unplug the Rogers (cable) modem.
  3. Unplug the D-Link router.
  4. Unplug any cables coming from the D-Link except WAN (from Rogers) and the Desktop PC.  I have the Desktop PC plugged into Lucky Number Port #1.
  5. Wait.  Wait.  Wait.  Count to whatever lucky number I think is maybe lucky enough to get the whole shebang working again someday.
  6. Plug in the Rogers modem.  Wait.
  7. Wait for 1 light, 2 lights, 3 lights, 4 lights.  Pretty!
  8. Plug in the D-Link.  Wait.  The power light comes on and nothing else.
  9. Pretty soon, other lights will flash.  WAN and whichever plug goes to the Desktop PC.
  10. Let them flash.  Wait.  Wait.  Take a bathroom break.  Cook something.  Wait.
  11. When the lights are steady, power on the Desktop PC.
  12. Wait.  Wait.  It will, iy”h (God willing), boot.  A few times it didn’t and my heart stopped, but today it did.
  13. By magic, the Internet will work on the Desktop PC.  Make sure it does.  Do a google search for “bleeble” or “blippy.”  It must start with the letters “bl” to make it work.
  14. Now that you’re sure it works, plug in the cable from the Laptop PC.  I plugged it into Lucky Number Port #4, leaving 2 lucky ports in between 1 and 4.
  15. This is all luck.  None of the computer things I do have anything to do with skill.
  16. By magic, the Internet will work on the Lapt op PC.  Make sure it does.  Do a google search for “wiggle” or “wimble.”  This second search must start with a “w.”
  17. An Internet-checking search must not be any word or words that have any meaning for you.  You can’t say to yourself, for example, “I’ve always wondered what the immigrant population of Kansas is,” and meandmycowgoogle that.  Because it won’t fix the Internet.  Only a meaningless search will fix the Internet.  And if it breaks, there will be millions of people suffering because of your irresponsibly selfish search.
  18. Like I said, it works now.  So stop reading these instructions.  Go cook supper.  Go tie your shoes.  You (me) know you’re (I’m) sitting there with shoes on but not tied from taking them off to put the little kids down for their nap. 
  19. Go play Farmville.  You fixed the Internet – you deserve it!

Here’s me and my cow.  Yes, in Farmville, I can be blonde and ever-so-slightly (intriguingly) dazed-looking.

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