Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Kosher caterer article

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Kosher caterers.  Oy, do I not love writing articles about kosher caterers.

First of all, they NEVER offer to feed you!  How am I supposed to write an article about how fantastic someone's food is if they're not even offering you some to taste?

But the biggest issue with caterers is that my editor seemingly chooses the businesses to feature at random.  They never match!  Like, one will be "Raffi's World Cuisine", a huge, world-class concern that lets you to host events for tens of thousands of people in the Air Canada Centre... and the other is "Mira's Kugel Shop" down on the corner.  It's not just apples and oranges; it's more like apples and eggs.

How am I supposed to write that up in an article???  "If you're making a HUGE simcha, maybe you should go with Raffi.  If you're cheap like me, however, just stop by Mira's and give them kugel on Chinet."  (or you could always go with Triscuits!)

Finally, people always want you to come interview them in person.  "You have to see what we're doing here!  It's totally unique!"

It breaks my heart to tell them that with what I'm getting paid, I cannot possibly afford to shlep to see their tchatchke shop or meat store or band or invitations in person.  Of course, I don't put it that way!  I mostly emphasize the fact that I work from home, with my kids.

But almost everybody is disappointed when I tell them it's only a phone interview.  Even when I say over and over "chat by phone" some are surprised when I don't show up in person at the arranged time.

Of course, maybe if I went in person, they’d offer to feed me something.  I doubt it.

And it still wouldn’t be worth it, not with what I get paid for these things… blah.

I always think restaurants should send me a coupon or something when I feature them.  I usually do a great job, even if I feel like showering after writing these things. 

Hubris or not, I do consider myself a good, if not great (at times great!), writer.  Certainly, my spelling is very accurate, which is why I went into this business in the first place. 

So I disdainfully feel I’d rather not waste words on advertorials.  However, the blog(s) don’t seem to be issuing regular paycheques yet, and there is some small satisfaction in helping out people’s small-time businesses.

Still, a coupon or someone calling me up to say, “hey, bring your family on by for a meal” would be nice, just once.

But no, kosher businesses just do not work that way.  They may act grateful, but deep down, they also feel entitled, which means they ain’t giving it away for free.

(p.s.  Laughing out loud!  As I finished writing this, a business I wrote about last year, whose owner loved the article but couldn’t afford to pay me to write for her privately, just called me up to invite me to an even they’re hosting next month.  Ha ha ha… naturally, it’s not a freebie:  they’re looking for more free coverage.  Is it Jews, or is it just small business owners?)

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